I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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