I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
