that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
