Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
