Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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