I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
