So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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