the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
