I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just want nice things and good sex
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
