You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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