I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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