true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I would fuck him just for his dog
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
