I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
