I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
