I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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