I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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