I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
