dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
