Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
