you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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