she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
