dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
