Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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