I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
