he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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