Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
