Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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