u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
