I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
