fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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