It's Friday. Sex?
where am i from again
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
