Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
