That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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