who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
