One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
