At least make sure they are 18
Why
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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