Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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