I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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