They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
