meet me or not, i'm out of control
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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