Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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