well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Let's get the cat blown out
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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