shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
When are your genitals available?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
