i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
