I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
