..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
