She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
