I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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