The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
