So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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